From Baking to Musing

I have a green thumb. And it's not because I'm good with plants. I just happened to touch green sprinkles when my hands were wet. I'm not sure why, but sometimes I just get in the mood to bake something. Nothing fancy. Just simple and sweet. Preferably something that I can make with the things I have on hand. I have a guess that it's because my sisters and I used to do the same thing growing up. Some evenings we would look at each other and say, "Wanna bake something?" and then we would thumb through mom's recipes to find something that didn't require an ingredient we didn't have. Sometimes we would take so long deciding that we never made anything at all. But it was fun. We learned important lessons like "Don't giggle while pouring ingredients," as well as not to forget very important ingredients. The best baking blunder was discovered by Mindy: "Don't pretend to throw an egg on the floor; it will slip through your fingers anyway."

So tonight, for whatever unknown reason, the itch to bake something came upon me. I thumbed through mine and my roommate's recipes, and almost gave up when I looked at the back of the Jiffy baking mix box. I found a simple sugar cookie recipe, and decorated them with Christmas sprinkles. Hence the green on my thumb and forefinger. They are done now, and they don't have quite the right consistency. Kind of a mix between pancake, biscuit, and cookie consistency. I guess that's what happens when you use Jiffy. But they are still good, and my itch is satisfied.

But this reminds me of something I've been thinking about recently: the itch that must be satisfied. I search for satisfaction in so many things. Thanksgiving was last week, and I knew that even with all the things I am thankful for that my heart is discontent in so many ways. In August it was "If only I had a job." God gave me a job. In September it was "If only I had a car." God gave me a car. Now through October and November it's been "If only I had a different job that actually involves music." I know it's significant the way I ache to be using music more in my life. . . God wired me that way. But I also can't help but look at the pattern and wonder if I'm just trying to satisfy the deeper longings that can only be satisfied by God Himself? I'll admit this as well: lately it has also been "If only there were a significant other in my life."

This is so wrong! It's like I'm looking at God as though He's holding out on me. I'm not trusting Him to know what is best for His purposes in my life. Notice, I didn't say "what is best for me." I think we often forget that God has greater purposes for us than merely our personal well-being. Yet, because we know that He is good, we know that His purposes are ultimately good even if they involve present difficulty, suffering, or pain. What I'm going through definitely does not qualify as pain or suffering. It might not even qualify as difficulty. There are people who truly are experiencing pain, suffering, and difficulty right now. And I sit here with food, clothing, a house, a car, a job, friends, the internet, and the list could go on. . . Discontent!!

Rather than asking God why He's holding out on me I should be asking Him why on earth He is being so good to me.

I need to remember the things He has tried to teach me before. What happened to the song I wrote with the words, "I will be satisfied in You alone. I will be satisfied cause my heart has a home." Or the song we used to sing in chapel, "There's only one place where I'll find what I'm looking for. There's only one true fountain that satisfies my soul. Only You, You're the fountain of living water. Only You satisfy my soul. You're the source of eternal pleasure. Only You satisfy my soul."

Yes, it would be great to be doing more with music right now. No, I don't want to be a waitress forever. Lord, You know. But my primary concern should be His kingdom and His righteousness. I know very well that that has not been the case. I know that my concern has been my personal satisfaction and well-being. Oh God, forgive me.

There is an itch that must be satisfied, but only our Maker can satisfy it. It's the hole that only He can fill. Funny that baking cookies could help remind me of that.